Written on February 7, 2010. But I Accidentally Deleted It

I love myself a whole lot more when I'm boring. The fact that I can have a good time being a blogger, a tea-drinker, a movie-watcher and a non-party(er) on a Friday night without feeling bored is really encouraging.

As much as I love being under the influence, going crazy, and being social, I now enjoy being sober, serene, and independent a whole lot more. Things are different when times are different. But for now, in this stressful but boring stage of my life, I'm better off doing my own thing.

I don't like things that I know aren't worth while. I don't like being a drunk, crazy girl anymore. I don't like when people I know hook up with other people and believe they're the shit. And I also don't like drugs - being around it just makes me feel gross, even if I'm NOT the one participating in it.

I know I've been all about changes and turning over a new leaf and becoming a better person and blah blah blah, but it's true. I've let myself get like this and it's up to me to get myself back to normal. I mean, I'm content with some stuff, but really resentful at others. If I accentuate my good qualities and lessen my negative ones, I think I'd feel a whole lot better with myself. I know for a fact better things would come too.

In All Honesty,

I'm so sick of this ongoing rut that I'm trying too hard to climb out of...

Shits And Giggles

Song(s) Of The Day

Melt With You by Modern English
Honey and the Moon by Joseph Arthur

Kudo to life and it's chapters.

It's kind of sinking in now that after next month I will be done high school forever. I'm reminiscing a lot lately; thinking about last year, the year before it, the year before that and perhaps even the year before that. It's weird, you start off being a little runt in the beginning of high school. In my case, with hair that was the same color as my face, then with spikey-'emo' hair, then bleach blond lady gaga hair, and the horrible eye makeup that made me look, well, like a little hoe. My ideals were completely different. I wanted to grow up too fast. I experimented with lifestyle choices much too many years in advance for my naive little thirteen year old self; I was a piece of shit. Then slowly, throughout the next few years, I found my spark. I went through a lot of ups and a lot of downs, lost, gained, witnessed sickness, health, infatuation, love, lust, betrayal, drama, boredom. I met specific people who I'll never forget and some that I'd pay money to forget, all while maintaining a specific Monday - Friday routine within the walls of a high school where I never really felt like I fit in, completely.
Though, I hate to say it, but a part of me wishes I would've given high school the chance it deserved when I still had time to enjoy it. Oh well, I guess it's better in the end that I'm better now, as opposed to being a good younger teen and a shitty, destructive older one.
I can't believe it's over soon! In September it'll start all over again. I'll feel like a small fish in a big pond with new people, new choices, new ideas, new life lessons, new mentalities and a new start.

p.s I haven't been this positive in a really long time. I like it.

Song Of The Day

Stole My Heart by Annie Little and Marcus Ashley

Song Of The Day

I'll Kill Her by Soko

Update: just listened to some of her other songs. I'm in love.

Secret #24

I always thought FTW was WHAT THE FUCK backwards. Only a month ago did I learn that it actually meant FOR THE WIN. durrrr

I'm feeling smart, talkative, and bored.

One day, swear to god, you'll learn how to be the same person in every situation you find yourself in. Yes, It does kinda sound possible and you think you have to morph and change and pretend and shift in every different situation you’re in- depending on the person you’re with: but it’s not true. If you're lucky (and by lucky i mean- if you grow up), you'll know who you are and be able to walk into any room and bring yourself with you- and not be scared. you'll be truly developed and 100% in your own skin. So, even though people and situations might bring out other sides of you, you won’t be a fake. because at the core, you will be the same person and solid in every environment you enter.

TURTLES