Not a lot makes me laugh anymore; but you did.

You intimidate, yet fascinate me. You're simple to talk to, yet I never really know what to say. There's so much I still don't know about you and vice versa. One thing’s for sure. I love you.

Secret #18

In All Honesty,

Suppressing my feelings for you was an okay process, but YOUR own feelings still affect me so much and it's difficult to get over them. I wish I didn't care about you so much, but i do. It hurts to know that you say you'll wait for me, but what exactly are you waiting for? I'm sorry about not being able to do anything about how I feel, but I only see you as a friend. I love you, but in a much different way than I love him. I'm actually IN love with him. I feel horrible for what I've done because never would I ever want anyone to lead me on as bad as I did to you. I should have told you the truth from the start. I guess I just didn't want to lose you and the affection you gave me. It's obvious we both know what we tried to forget isn't completely behind us yet. We BOTH got what we wanted at one point, although, I know you're still not satisfied, but I can't do anything about that anymore...I'm head over heels for him and I've never felt so happy with a guy before. He's definitely the highlight of my life, and I won't risk losing him.

I'm sorry.

Wicked.

Is soooo amazing that I plan to watch it again. It ties in so well with the story of the Wizard of Oz, like a puzzle! I suggest you go find where it's playing in your location and watch it!


Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try Defying gravity
I think I'll try Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down! <3

**

Cramps are a pain in my ass.

Thoughts:

- My cramps are somehow making me dizzy. I'm in desperate need of midol.
- Autumn, autumn, autumn!
- I have no regrets moving to Cali. Now I can go back to Canada and fall in love with it all over again.
- If my blog were ever to be erased, it'd be equivalent to a long-term relationship ending.
- I really want to visit Thailand.
- It's time to get my license. No, let's start with getting my permit.
- It's weird when boys come to me and ask me how they should break up with their girlfriends. I always give them the worst answers, the answers I generally get when people break up with me, ahahahahahaha.
- I can't accept compliments, nor can I accept criticism. It pisses me off.
- There is no one holding me back but myself. I'm stopping myself from being great because I'm afraid that if I reach my full potential, it still won't be good enough to be somebody. It'll crush my dreams.
- Wicked the musical this Thursday with the parents! Yes, I'm fucking stoked. I'll probably blog about it once I get home.

**

Life doesn't give you the people you want. It gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Secret #17

I know for a fact that things are going to change this year. I believe it's for the better, even though it won't seem like it at the exact moment...

B-B-B-BUZZZEDDD ft. Jess Bess

Whats your relationship status?
KC: Takkeen & In love
Jess: FUCK BOYS!


Do you like it when someone kisses your neck?
KC: Oui
Jess: n__________n


Who was last person in/on your bed besides you?
KC: jess says: DOMINIC! kc says: you said it broski
Jess: Cous cous


What's your mood?
KC: salfjagdsaklghsdalblah blah blah!
Jess: HOLY FUCK! LAST SATURDAY! I ammmmm buuuzzzeedd


Have you ever kissed someone who's name starts with D?
KC: Whaatthhaa? It's like the survey knew it was for me
Jess: No


Do you have any pets?
KC: Yuki
Jess: One's gay & the other's adorable


Are you hungry?
KC: I want my adobo
Jess: The chicken's calling my name!


Have you had sex today?
KC: THE SURVEY KNOOOOWWSSS ME!
Jess: Naaaahh


Do you like ice cream?
KC: LOVE IT
Jess: Ube & Buko Pandan


Has anyone on your top friends seen you naked?
KC: Naahh
Jess: My sister ?


Do you have a best friend?
KC: Yeah they're the best. i have something to say. JESSELIN BRO! negro.
Jess: She's beside me, the other one's outside, the other's are having a "boys" day


Are you happy with your life?
KC: Mmm, yess
Jess: A few hours ago, I wasnt buuut at the moment, LIFE IS THE SHIIIIITTT!

anndd Ralph: IS FUUCCKKEDD UP! YAAAAAY


What color is your hair?
KC: Blacckk with a bit of brown
Jess: Blaaccckk with teal & blonde streak
Ralph: Nothinnngg


Think back. Who did you like last year at this time?
KC: Manuel >=]
Jess: Yo' mamma


What time is it?
KC: 11:32
Jess: Too early to be this buuzzzeedd


What's the date?
KC: I dont know, take it away jesselin
Jess: Fuck the date.


Are you cold at this very moment?
KC: *silent* NO
Jess: Naaahhhh


Is there anyone in the room with you?
KC: Jesssee
Jess: She's beside me


Have you ever been out of state?
KC: Nigga, i lived in Canada
Jess: Mhmmmmmmmm


Do you like cross word puzzles?
KC: *silence* NO
Jess: If they're easy


Name someone who's name starts with a F.
KC: Fucker
Jess: Franchesca


What 'color eyes do you prefer in the opposite sex?
KC: blues kinda cool. but my opposite sex has brown eyes. :)
Jess: Mmmm, I like every color :DDDDDDDDDDD


When was the last time you looked at the stars with someone?
KC: Pass
Jess: Just like an hour ago


Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
KC: *nod*
Jess: Not tonight


Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream?
KC: *nod*
Jess: O________________________O yeah


Have you ever played spin the bottle?
KC: Oui
Jess: -____-


Are you currently online?
KC: No
Jesss: Obviously DUMBAAAASS!


Do you have kids?
KC: In the future, eight!
Jess: My cousin called me Mommy.


Do you want kids?
KC: No shit
Jess: I want SEVEN!


What are your plans for tomorrow?
KC: Probably get fucked up again
Jess: Wake up, probably not go to church, ummm..dinner then get FUCKKKEDDD UP before schoool starts BIITTCHHHESS!


Do you cuss often?
KC: I am queen potty mouth
Jess: When I feel like it.


Are you a mean person?
KC: Yess, at times
Jess: Usually, then when I'm high & drunk.


Does anyone hate you?
KC: Yeah
Jess: FUUUCCK THEM


Do you think relationships are even worth it?
KC: If your the right person
Jess: Mm, as of the moment, I could care less.


If something was wrong, who is the first person you would go to?
KC: Jess & Sheila
Jess: I thought he was gonna be there for me and make me forget all the drama, but he somewhat left me "/


If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
KC: *silence* No
Jess: Naaahhh, I'm concentrated on different shit.


Could you go out in public looking like you do right now?
KC: yes
Jess: I'm down for it


Do you usually tell people when you're mad at them?
KC: *silence* uhhhh, if they're worth discussing with
Jess: Mmmmm, not today buuuut yeah usually


Are you in a good mood right now?
KC: I'm in a great mood
Jess: HOOLLLYY FUCK! I LOOOOVEEE THIIIISSS!


Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
KC: no. because i broke up with him because he was too far away and i just lost interest in the fijian boy.
Jess: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, NO


Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
KC: All the fuckin time!
Jess: Tattoo can wait, but the piercing's are calling my name!


Do you miss anyone?
KC: Do i miss dominic right now ? Kinda but i'm having soo much fun
Jess: FUUUUUCCCKKK THEM!


What is stressing you out most right now?
KC: The fact that school is coming up
Jess: Don't even bring it up. I'm here to forget shit & and get fuuuccckkeed up!


Have you ever been called a tease?
KC: ive been called many things but that. :D
Jess: *silence* yes

Are you waiting for a phone call?
KC: no
Jess: why should i? -________________-


Have you ever been with someone while they were throwing up?
KC: my seestar
Jess: i hate it


What hurts right now?
KC: not my vagina.
Jess: My heart.

If you were kicked out of your house, where would you go first?
KC: Jesselins or ralphies
Jess: EEVERYWHEREE. & kc's

Do you wish you could ever hug yourself to see if you're a good hugger?
KC: I'm not that fucked up, k?
Jess: I know i am n___n

Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you liked them?
KC: aaalll the time.
Jess: Screw him


Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?
KC: Jess Bess
Jess: Raaaaaaalph


Did the last person who hurt you, ever apologize?
KC: No. he bitched about how i ruined his fucking life. WHEN I DIDN'T DO SHIT
Jess: I don't think he realizes it

Can you commit to one person?
KC: so far i can. theres something about Domo
Jess: as of the moment, NO n_________________________________n

Whats the first thing you heard this morning?
KC: Cable guy
Jess: uhm my alarm

Do you prefer people who talk a lot or are quiet?
KC: I don't fucking know, dude
Jess: As of this moment, LLLOUUUUDDDDDDD

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend?
KC: do you want me to commit suicide?
Jess: I would die

Are there any bruises on your body that are the result of your own stupidity?
KC: nope.
Jess: Missed a step resulting my shin hitting the edge of the stairs

Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind?
KC: that's what you get when you let your heart win WHOAAAA OH AH OHHHH OHHHH. my heart
Jess: Mmmmm, as of the moment, nothing. I am emotionally drained

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
KC: yess, i have
Jess: I hope tonight :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd

Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
KC: Yes, i actually do all the time
Jess: Once in a while


When was the last time you completely broke down?
KC: Ummmmmm, liiikkee uuh a few weeks ago
Jess: Today annnnnddd the alcohol & stoggs are my bestfriends right now n_______________n


Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
KC: Not anymore cause that bitch is stupppiiidd and a assshole!
Jess: Today.................................................yeah


How bad are heartbreaks?
KC: *singing* veerryyy bad
Jess: As of the moment, it's hard to absorb his way of me being a "homegirl"


Have you ever taken a long trip alone?
KC: No
Jess: Excluding my auntie & uncle, my mind was somewhere far.


If you were to have a baby girl right now, what would you name her?
KC: Athena
Jess: Mmmmm, it would have to be Page


If you were to have a baby boy right now, what would you name him?
KC: Jeff or Kale
Jess: Jayden


Should you really be doing homework right now?
KC: What fucking homework
Jess: NOO, but I'm supposely home locked inside my room. AHAHAHHA I LOOOVVEE BEING REBELIOUS!


What triggered your last kiss?
KC: Hornyness
Jess: I dont fucking remember


What's something you're currently looking forward to?
KC: Getting fucked up again
Jess: Not only that, buuut school so my mind is focused on more shit than him


Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
KC: Non
Jess: Naahh niiggaa


Do you ever let your parents know how much you appreciate them?
KC: I should more often
Jess: They wouldn't care, AHHAHA


If you could spend a summer anywhere in the world, where'd you go?
KC: Somewhere in fuckin Europe
Jess: LA & San Diego, I like them cuuuttee So Cal duuudddess ;] and the beach!


Do you enjoy buying things for yourself or for others more?
KC: Bootthh
Jess: Don't matter


Does your family have a close relationship?
KC: Yeaahhh
Jess: Usuallhy


Does being in love make you nervous?
KC: HELL YEAH! Cause i dont wanna screw anything up
Jess: AS OF THE MOMENT, I DONT GIVE A SHIT!


Would you do your own surgery to keep yourself alive?
KC: If i knew I was doing
Jess: If it kept me alive, yeaaahh!


Do people that are ungrateful for everything bother you?
KC: Hell yeah, they need to shut the fuck up sometimes
Jess: They're idiots (period)


Have you ever cussed in front of kids?
KC: Guilty as charge
Ralph: Yeah
Jess: YEAAHH

If your enemy lost almost everything, would you be willing to help them?
KC: Of course
Jess: I'm a mean person

Ralph: JESSELIN'S AN ASSHOLE!


Have you ever prayed for your enemies?
KC: Ummmmmm, if murder and rapiest count
Jess: Never thought of that


Do you lie in order to tell people what they want to hear?
KC: HELL YEAH! If I have to
Jess: No


Are you angry about something?
KC: Naahh
Jess: Don't bring that shit up NIIGGGAA! I'm having such a good time, don't kill my buzzed


Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
KC: Indeeed
Jess: Naahh, not tripping


Do you smoke weed everyday?
Ralph: Try to
KC: I wish
Jess: SOON


Would you ever live with any of your best friends?
KC: FUCK YEAH, that's the plan
Jess: Right now, it feels like it breeezy!


Do you know anyone that smokes weed?
KC: Do you know anyone who DOESNT smoke weed
Jess: I DOOOOOOOOO!


Would you like to put any night on repeat, and live it forever?
KC: I would like to put in on repeat but numerous times
Jess: Yesss but the forever part's just neeeds to leave


Are you mad at someone right now?
KC: No
Jess: Should i be ? As matter of fact, they should eat my shit for not being there for me except for these two broskiessss sitting next to me


Do you prefer to call or text?
KC: Text
Jess: Which ever


Who did you last text?
KC: Eric
Jess: KC


What is missing in your life right now?
KC: Ummmm, nothing
Jess: Schoool -_____________-


Are your parents overprotective?
KC: YOU HAVE NO IDEA
Jess: FUCK THAT SHIT, it's the last week of school, bout to be hellaa bad assssss


How was this week?
KC: aiiiiigghhhtt
Jess: SO MUCH UPS AND DOWNS. Stop bringing my hopes down


Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
KC: Yuuupp
Jess: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.


Do you think blondes are stupid, honestly?
KC: I was a blonde, am i dumb?'
Jess: Naaahh.


Who are the past three people to send you a text?
KC: Jess bess, Domdom & Eric
Jess: KC, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm Derek ? aannnd Tim?


Duck duck goose or hide and seek?
KC: Hide and seek all the way
Jess: As of the moment, KINNGGSSS CUP!


How much has changed since a year ago today?
KC: Soo much
Jess: I smoke weed more, thaatts how much


Were you happier now or then?
KC: Noooww
Jess: RIGHT NOW BITTCHHH!


Are you still trying to find happiness?
KC: I found it in a jeigerbommmmmmbs
Jess: I found that tooo & in weed annndd sneaking out annnd stogging annnndd more sneaking out annnnd eating. LOOOVEEE IT


Has anybody on your top friends ever admitted to liking you?
KC: Yea
Jess: Liiikkkee 3 of them ?


Do you get along with guys?
KC: they're my homeboys, i cant get along with girls except for Jess bess
Jess: As of the moment, likkkee 3of them I cant because one just literally left me hanging, one didnt really care about me crying annd the other fucked me over but the rest, I LOVE


Do you enjoy being single?
KC: Yeaahh
Jess: HELLLAA FUN NIGGA!


Are you satisfied with what you have in life?
KC: yeah, cant complain
Jess: I could care less on what I dont have. I'm buzzed and that's all i care about

**

p.s this shit makes me laugh